P.Star Saga: Eight Months of Misery

I know it has been a long time since my last blog post. First, I would like to discuss why I stopped blogging..

Things were going well for a while, but then I started feeling pain in my right leg back in September of 2011. I thought I would be fine if I just took a few painkillers, but that was only a temporary fix. It was just the beginning...

Incapacitated
It was October 15, my birthday. I expected my friend from the West coast to come to NYC. I bought her ticket, but I was kind of sad knowing she didn't show up. I guess it was just not meant to be. That week my pain became extremely painful.... I remember the next day being sick and that night going to Craig Derry's vocal classes when my partner Elis Pacheco, who saw something was wrong with me. Of course, I didn't tell him that something was wrong. I just told him that I was okay. That week, it hit me hard. I was gradually walking slower and then a week later I couldn't walk at all. Depression hit me, knowing that I wasn't able to walk again after all that I have already gone through to get back on my feet. I was afraid to go see a specialist as I knew he would just tell me that I might have to have surgery again. It got me scared! I could see my life crumbling down around me. Feeling hopeless... feeling useless... just feeling alone, knowing that I can do nothing about it.

Eight months I was stuck in the bed just doing nothing. My children were afraid for me. They tried so hard to convince me to get off the bed. I just didn't want to do anything. Even while I was in bed a lot had happened, but I just wanted to isolate myself. I cut off my network. I cut off my phone. But most of all, I cut off my family & friends. I spent Thanksgiving alone, I spend Christmas alone, even though my daughters were here. I was in the room while they were throwing a party outside on the other side of my door. On New Year's Eve of 2011, Priscilla and her boyfriend Darryl spent it here, while Solsky spent it somewhere else. Where was I? I was in my room again: alone.

Happy New Year 2012!!!!

January came by...nothing. February came by...nothing. March is here and it's time to fill out income taxes, but since I'm not filing taxes for myself, I have to do it for Priscilla. I believe that was the only thing I did that was productive over that eight month stretch.

Getting Out
It wasn't till the end of April that Priscilla finally convinced me to take a vacation. I went out of town for couple of days, hoping things would work out for me but I had this gut feeling that something was going down in New York City...and of course I was right. I decided to get an early flight back to NY to check up on things. It was a mission to try to catch a flight on a Saturday! I was on a waiting list to see if I could eventually get on a flight, but thanks to God I was able to catch a flight back home. When I finally arrive, Priscilla and her gang were throwing a party at my house while I was gone. Needless to say, she was surprised to see that I was back so early. I still let her throw the party but the gut feeling that something was really wrong wouldn't subside.

I invited my friend Lisa to come over because we were going to be the only adults at this party, but I still was feeling uncomfortable. My reservations about the night grew as the first guests arrived. I didn't even know who the hell they were, LOL! My nerves were already acting up, but Lisa was trying to make me feel comfortable. She tried as much as she could just to calm me down, but I couldn't.

The house got packed with people. I didn't even know who any of them were. They started dancing, my house started rumbling, people coming in and out, and they were smoking everywhere. The party started getting out of control. Then, it happened!!!! At 3:30 AM, a fight was brewing. I had just taken off my sneakers just to relax for a minute, when my daughter Solsky began banging on my door screaming! I ran out the door to approach the guy who was arguing with another guy. Then, I noticed a couple of the guys putting their hands inside their coat. (I knew they had something inside the coat because I saw two of them begin pulling it out and I was able to convince the men not to.) My first reaction was to try to calm this guy down and take them to the hallway of my building. There was one knucklehead who wanted to shoot I saw it in his eyes. As a defense, I grabbed one of his guys by the neck just for protection like a bulletproof shield. I told him to put the gun away and put it back in his pocket, but he refused to listen to me. I ended up dragging him down the steps until he got in front of the building. That's when I told him that my building had security cameras and in the next two minutes the police were going to show up, so they all decided to get back in the van and leave. That was a close one! Of course my daughter made it seem like nothing was going to happen, but if I wasn't there someone would've gotten shot.

Bad News
In May, I got a phone call that the mother of my children is in jail for attempted murder. Yeah, she had just got her life situated and was staying drug free. Now she faces prison time up to 10 to 15 years. It's sad to say that she's got two young daughters with a messed up father, and these kids will not have their mother around, AGAIN!!!!

Failure to Communicate
June 14th P's birthday: Since that party things weren't working out for us. We had a big misunderstanding, so she moved to New Jersey with my dear friend Karen Fowler, the Vice President Sesame Workshop. Things are going well for her there, I knew she was suffering because of my illness but I just needed for her to be more independent and not worry about me so much.. I was just being selfish. She grew up too fast!
On Father's Day, she came to pick me up to have dinner. We started talking again, I could see it in her eyes she was still hurting because of my situation and me being ill. She was trying to motivate me, trying too give me hope again. I just couldn't...but at least I got out of the house.

Fostering Safety
July 17th, I got a phone call at 5:30 in morning from Solsky and Priscilla's sister. It was kind of strange for her to even call at that time. We hadn't spoken for about a year. I picked up the phone and asked what was wrong. I could hear her tears over something terrible that happened to her while mother was away and her father was staying with her. When she told me what had occurred, my first reaction was to come to the house. She arrived around 8:30 a.m. I just couldn't believe what they did to her. I got  ACS and the police involved. Once again I became a foster parent; once again another child changes my life. Soon, she will be officially adopted and her name will be changed to St. Clair Diaz!!!!!

Mexican Stand-off
August 31st, St. Clair's Birthday: I had told the girls that for me just to get my mind clear, I needed to take a vacation. So I decided to leave to go to Mexico September 3rd. I was on my way to the airport when I noticed I had an infection in my right finger. It was bothering me so much, then it started getting swollen. I decided to keep to my plans despite the infection. Then, I caught a panic attack inside the plane when we had to make an emergency landing in Dallas. They rush me to the hospital because I told him that I was a diabetic, and they noticed that the finger was swollen. I stayed in the hospital for three days. Man, I was so upset knowing that I couldn't get to my Mexico! They kept me there just for observation while giving me some antibiotics for the infection in my finger. They wanted to make sure that it had nothing to do with the diabetes. So, I finally left the hospital, got back to the airport, and American Airlines was so nice that they put me on the first class flight to Mexico.

Back In Action
September 10th, Solsky's Birthday: I was still in Mexico, preparing myself all the chaos in NYC!! A couple of days later, I arrived back in New York City. I had to register St. Clair for high school. I was able to put her in one of the best schools in New York City, thank God!!!! I also was able to prepare myself to go see the specialist about my chronic back pain. The moment I got back, I was getting phone calls to start working again and my energy boost is up to 100%. I'm back!!!!!!!!

Oct 15th, my birthday: I threw a dinner party at my house with my kids and their friends. I had begun seeing a specialist and getting therapy for my anxiety attacks. I was happy to know that I was back to normal again.
November 15th, I went see the spine specialist. That's when they dropped a bomb on me: My bones didn't heal right and I have a cracked screw... yeah, that's right, a cracked screw in my back... and it broke... so now I have to go for a second spine surgery! I was afraid of that, but at least I was mentally prepared. The spine specialist laid out the risk factors. He told me that if I don't do this, in six months I will not be able to walk again. If I do get the surgery, I only have a 50/50 chance of healing, meaning that I may walk or may not walk. . I have to leave it up to God. It also a six months recovery, therefore six months stuck in bed. Wow! Not again! At least this time I will have something to do. I'm buying studio equipment so I can make music from home and work on P.Star's album, which she will co-produce with me. I am also working on Jay Wise's Project. We're close to getting a deal as well as setting up a tour overseas. Lastly, I am working with THE NO-NAME GANG, my godson Bugzy's Project. As for my own personal project, I will be finishing my book very soon. At least I'm keeping myself on a positive level!!!!!

Thanksgiving day... I woke up at 4:30 to put in the roast. I started preparing Thanksgiving dinner with my daughters, and their friends decided to come over to eat dinner with us. Yes, it was a lovely night. We took pictures and everyone got twisted, except me.

Black Friday, I did a little bit of Christmas shopping, but I was mainly preparing for all my trips. As you know, I'm going to have surgery again and it doesn't look too good for me, so I decided to take a couple of trips before I have surgery. On my next blog you will get to read about all the trips I enjoyed. Yes, it will be business and a vacation.

Until next time, merry Christmas and a happy new year! I'll see you next year!!!

PS... I want to thank my friends for being there for me. Jay Wise, Sunita, Evelyn Inoa, Malik, A-Mafia, Charles Perez, my dear friend Dr. Karen Copeland, my cousin Maria Hoyos and Lisa West!!! My family, I'm sorry for pushing you away Elis, Solsky, Priscilla Star... I LOVE YOU!!!!!